Sometimes I hate being right.

I was right about the depression coming on, and while it’s been a rough couple of months I am glad I was prepared for it at least.
I’ve been crying a lot, sometimes for hours on end, and the paranoia and guilt have set in. When I am depressed everything aches and I am always tired. I feel like there is so much to do but I have no energy to do it, this can be very distressing. I feel guilty about doing anything for myself and I am so scared of doing something wrong I avoid doing anything altogether..

This is my first post in a couple of months, I think a lot of people stop blogging when they are depressed. For me its a mixture of having no motivation, feeling guilty about spending time online and paranoia that I am going to say the wrong thing or something stupid. Also I swear my brain just doesn’t work when I am depressed! I can’t decide what to eat for dinner, what to wear, what to say, what to think.. Stringing a sentence together is tricky sometimes so writing a full blog post and being happy with everything I’ve written is out of the question!

Keeping this blog up is a step towards getting better, as it truly does help me to read all of your comments and posts. It is wonderful being part of an online community and finding people who feel the same way, because it can be quite isolating when friends and family don’t fully understand. I just need to relax and not be so paranoid about what everyone thinks…

I know I am not out of it yet but I feel like the dark clouds are slowly starting to clear and I have hope that the worst is over. I’m trying to be as proactive as possible in defeating this beast, because I know sitting on my arse isn’t going to help me. For my next post I will make a list of activities to do when I feel down, because for me distraction is key.

Thank you everyone for reading, I hope you all had a very merry christmas!

DD

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes I hate being right.

  1. Hey there! I would have read your post much earlier, but I’ve been out of town for 2 weeks with no internet access, which sucked! I knew it would be tough, but it was worse than I thought as I was too isolated.

    I really related to this post. I started my blog in 2008 (a year after I was diagnosed with bipolar one disorder) and I got so depressed that I took a whopping 5 *years* off from the blog! I wish I had stuck with my blog all along, but I had a very rough road, to say the least, and simply could not do it.

    This line of yours really resonated with me and it shows that you are on the way out of the ^T&^(& depression:

    “Keeping this blog up (which you ARE doing! πŸ˜‰
    is a step towards getting better, as it truly does help me to read all of your comments and posts. ”

    I look forward to reading your list of activities that you can do when you feel down. In the meantime, I hope you’re feeling better and better with each day. I hope you write lots more because I love your eloquent, honest writing style!

    take care and I wish you a belated Happy New Year!
    Dyane

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Dyane. You really do brighten my day πŸ™‚
      I’m sorry you had such a tough time, I can certainly relate to that! I am feeling much better though, my energy is back and I feel much more alive! Which is refreshing after the last couple of months.
      I do want to keep up the blog as much as I can, I have so many ideas and things I want to write down, I just need to make time.
      I hope you are going well, I look forward to hearing from you and reading your posts πŸ™‚

      All the best and Happy New Year!
      DD

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi DD, I am so glad you are feeling better! Hope it continues to get better and fast! There’s news that I posted on my blog about depression possibly being due ti inflammation, this would be good news indeed! So don’t think it’s all in your head. Best wishes, keep going. You are brave and amazing for posting even though you have probably been feeling hellish sometimes. Love and hugs! We’re with you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I am feeling much better so I’m glad to finally be out of the depression, for now at least. It really helps reading other peoples comments and posts so I look forward to checking out your blog! Love and hugs to you too πŸ™‚

      Like

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