I was right about the depression coming on, and while it’s been a rough couple of months I am glad I was prepared for it at least.
I’ve been crying a lot, sometimes for hours on end, and the paranoia and guilt have set in. When I am depressed everything aches and I am always tired. I feel like there is so much to do but I have no energy to do it, this can be very distressing. I feel guilty about doing anything for myself and I am so scared of doing something wrong I avoid doing anything altogether..
This is my first post in a couple of months, I think a lot of people stop blogging when they are depressed. For me its a mixture of having no motivation, feeling guilty about spending time online and paranoia that I am going to say the wrong thing or something stupid. Also I swear my brain just doesn’t work when I am depressed! I can’t decide what to eat for dinner, what to wear, what to say, what to think.. Stringing a sentence together is tricky sometimes so writing a full blog post and being happy with everything I’ve written is out of the question!
Keeping this blog up is a step towards getting better, as it truly does help me to read all of your comments and posts. It is wonderful being part of an online community and finding people who feel the same way, because it can be quite isolating when friends and family don’t fully understand. I just need to relax and not be so paranoid about what everyone thinks…
I know I am not out of it yet but I feel like the dark clouds are slowly starting to clear and I have hope that the worst is over. I’m trying to be as proactive as possible in defeating this beast, because I know sitting on my arse isn’t going to help me. For my next post I will make a list of activities to do when I feel down, because for me distraction is key.
Thank you everyone for reading, I hope you all had a very merry christmas!